Yesterday Isabelle and Hallie had appointments with their pediatrician. Greg stayed home with the other children, and I took the two girls to the doctor by myself. As I sat in the office looking at my beautiful girls, my mind wandered back in time.
Four years ago, I was planning for a trip to China. I had researched developmental toys and games, and all the best training cups. I had read articles about the best way to wash laundry in a hotel bathtub and bought a travel clothesline. I had spent weeks gathering all of Mikeala’s and Gabriela’s hand-me-down clothes in sizes 2T, 3T, and 4T. I did careful calculations to figure out how many diapers we would need. The office was overflowing with suitcases and all of the things that I needed to pack. I had done everything I could possibly do to prepare for these two new daughters.
It was less than a month before we would travel to China and meet our girls. Greg and I both knew that their adoptions would be far more difficult than Mikaela’s, but we thought we were fairly well prepared. The truth is, we had no idea how challenging their adoptions and transitions were going to be. Hallie was far more of a baby than we expected, and her oral aversions made it impossible for her to eat anything. All of her nutrition came from a bottle, and she would only drink from one specific bottle. She was completely helpless and dependent on us for every bit of her care. Isabelle lived in a constant state of stress and anxiety. Her nervous energy kept her moving all the time. She spent her days crawling and scooting around the hotel, picking at her fingers, and laughing her strange, empty laugh. Hallie couldn’t stand Greg or Isabelle, and Isabelle and I struggled to bond at first.
Over the last few years, both girls have made consistent progress. At times they seemed to race through their milestones, and other times the progress has been painfully slow. Nearly six months after coming home, Hallie took her first bite of food from a spoon. Six months after that, her diet consisted mainly of baby food purée instead of bottles. Then she began to eat solid food, as long as we cut it into tiny bites and we fed her. We have developed many strategies to help Isabelle overcome her anxiety. More and more of the time, she is a happy, peaceful little girl. The two of them became close friends. Both girls have learned to express themselves, and we love seeing their distinct personsalities.
But even with all this progress, the idea of a morning out with just the two of them made me a bit nervous. It didn’t seem like that long ago that both girls needed constant supervision. I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish the things I needed to do and keep enough of an eye on them.
When we got to the doctors office, both girls walked from the car to the front door. They went inside and followed my directions to the “Well Patient” waiting area. Then they sat and looked quietly at books while I signed them in updated our insurance. After a few minutes, Isabelle moved to the floor to play with another little girl. Already I had seen more miracles than I had dared to hope for. No one had taken off the wrong direction in the parking lot. No one had refused to go sit where I told them to sit. Neither of them had gotten loud or wild. And Isabelle was playing – actually playing – with a complete stranger. They continued to behave well during the appointment. Hallie has a mild ear infection, and she did scream and scratch me when the doctor looked in that ear. I guess that is a good reminder that we still have some progress that needs to be made. 🙂 But she recovered quickly, even smiling and telling the doctor “bye-bye.”
Then we all went out to lunch. The girls sat calmly at the table while I ordered. Then they each ate a completely normal lunch. Hallie sat across the table from me and ate a cheeseburger and French fries. All. By. Herself!! She didn’t need special food. She didn’t need a special cup. She didn’t need me to feed her. I honestly never thought we would reach that milestone. And it was awesome.
Then we went to my doctor’s office to drop off some forms. Both girls walked in with me. Stood quietly beside me while I talked to the receptionist. Walked back to the car. Again, no one tried to run away. Or climb all over the office chairs. Or yelled. Or anything.
Then we went grocery shopping. I was afraid that I was beginning to push my luck by that point, but once again they both surprised me. They were pleasant and obedient throughout the entire trip. An older woman even commented, “Your little girls are so good!” She had no idea how much time and work and prayer had gone into getting them to that point.
We came back home and they went out back to play in the wading pools. I didn’t have to go out with them. They just played with their brothers and sisters.
There were definitely days in the early weeks and months after they came home when I thought that our family would never be “normal” again. I wondered if we would ever be able to do “normal” family things. It is amazing to me how much changed in four years!
Permalink
Just as God’s love calms our fear, anxiety and obsessions, Greg’s and your love have calmed the girls’. And as far as kicking, scratching and screaming, while the doctor stuck a foreign object in her ear, that’s about as normal as you can get for any child.? 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
James 1:27
5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
Psalm 68
18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed, so that mere earthly mortals will never again strike terror.
Psalm 10
Greg and you are faithful servents.